Tuesday, February 3, 2009

My "Almost" Top Ten Beauty Secrets!

Now there's an oxymoron, using my name and beauty secrets in the same sentence, but I've been tagged by Jennifer, and I must obey!

My beauty routine doesn't amount to much. At almost 60 years of age, they say less is more and they mean it. And it's so much cheaper!

Beauty Tip Number One: I HAVE to bathe or shower every day or I can't stand myself, and neither can anyone else. I use Twisted Peppermint body soap and foot scrub from Bath and Body Works. It smells soooo good! I used to use the Twisted Peppermint body spray until a little girl at church said "Mama, she smells just like cotton candy!" I thought I smelled all fresh and minty, but instead I smelled as if I'd just come from the circus. Poor Rocky used it once and the girls at the office said he smelled like bubble gum!

The Peppermint body wash makes a great bubble bath, but I have to be careful because if I turn on the jacuzzi, the bubbles multiply exponentially and envelope me! It's kind of scary because there's not alot of oxygen in those bubbles! The first picture is of a nice, normal bubble bath, the 2nd is only a few seconds after the jets have been turned on, and the third is my view of the bubbles while I'm in the tub!

Beauty Tip Number Two: After I dry off, I rub lotion all over my arms, legs and feet - Peppermint, of course! I have to wait a bit after I put it on my feet because when I try to walk on the wood floors, it's hard to remain upright.

Beauty Tip Number Three: Now comes the trickiest part. Makeup. I've never really been shown how to apply makeup, so I've been on my own all these years. So any thoughts you may have about what might have gone wrong on any particular occasion, now you know why.

One day when I was getting my hair done, a lovely lady asked me if I wanted to try a new type of make up "so pure you can sleep in it!" I didn't see anything different about that because I've always slept in my makeup, but I said "Sure!" like a dope, not realizing it was going to cost me more than I'm willing to say in print. For some reason, I thought it was all going to be free!!

She showed me all these different powders and "told" me how to apply them, but really didn't let me see what she was doing. Then all of a sudden she whirled the chair around and voila! There in the mirror was a CLOWN!!

On my own, I've slowly learned how to use this makeup and I really do recommend "Bare Essentuals." Yes, that's spelled correctly. It's reasonably priced, lasts forever and they have hundreds of colors!! I use only one or two colors myself, because I'm not very adventurous when it comes to makeup. The only problem with this makeup is, if a tear happens to roll down your cheek, you can see the track mark! Below are pictures of my makeup drawer and brushes. Nice, huh?

Beauty Tip Number Four: Applying the makeup, which is not the same as describing the makeup. Two totally different processes. First I start with a cheap moisturizer, like Oil of Olay or Ponds. Those pricey brands don't work. I've used them all, and look at me. If anyone disagrees, please let me know of a brand that really does what it promises!

Since I'm a middle-aged+ woman, I have several age spots....you know those brown spots we get on our hands and face. I was a sun worshipper in my youth and they're not kiddin' when they say "You'll be sorry one of these days!" My time has come. So I start dabbing on powdered concealer, and having alot of Irish ancestors, I sometimes get mixed up and spend alot of my 5 minute beauty routine dabbing at freckles!!

Beauty Tip Number Five: Makeup experts say to apply blush to the "apples" of your cheeks. My entire face is an apple, so it's hard to decide just exactly where to put that stuff! But if I mess it up, I just apply a mineral veil. That stuff is great because it blends all the awkardly applied colors to where they look.......not so bad!

Beauty Tip Number Six: The eyes. Now this part is serious because I happen to believe that my only redeeming quality is my eyes. Patti once did me a huge favor by having me color-typed. Everyone should do that because it really helps when choosing the colors you wear. Brown is best for blue eyes, so I try to stay in that color palate. Blending one color on my lids and another on my brows is way too hard. And the trickiest part of all is eyeliner! But the one thing I absolutely hate to do, but it makes the biggest difference, is apply mascara! UGH! After that task, I have to use several Q-tips to clean up the excess! I look like a little girl playing "grow up" with my Mom's makeup!

Beauty Tip Number Seven: Lips. You're supposed to wear a lip liner that's the color of your lips. So for me that's a liver color (hard to find)! Then I apply lipstick and that's about it. It's like coloring - it's important to stay within the lines! Occasionally I apply some lip gloss, but be VERY CAREFUL here! Let me tell you why. I have a wrinkle (or two or more) that go up from my lips to either side of my nose. Stop laughing -it'll happen to you too! One hot day I was at a quincienera flitting around, talking to friends, introducing myself to strangers and while they were all pleasant enough, they all looked at me kind of funny. I didn't notice anything until I got in the car and looked in the rear-view mirror. My dark pink lip gloss had melted and traveled up those wrinkles! Those people must have thought I had blood poisoning!! How totally embarrassing! I have recreated to the best of my ability, the incident for you here! (Oh, and forget the gloss debacle, look what a HUGE difference a little lipstick makes!! I think it's important to have lipstick in your food storage.)

Patti had a similar experience with bronzer. She put it on all over her face, and by the time she got to wherever she was going, it had collected in the wrinkles around her eyes, making her look like a tiger!

Beauty Tip Number Eight: My hair. I've had my hair long, very short, colored, highlighted, lowlighted, permed, and just about everything else one can do to their hair. It's pretty straight for the most part, but as I get older I have these weird "waves" which make it very hard to style. So I put a little product in, blow it dry with a huge brush, flat iron parts of it, then put a curling iron to other parts. Doesn't make much sense, huh? It usually turns out OK, but never great!

Beauty Tip Number Nine: Hmmmmmm.....I think that's it.


  1. Once again, you have totally entertained me. In my opinion there is no such thing as too many bubbles in a bubble bath! The lip gloss/bronzer story is a riot!! Keep posting!

  2. Ooops...that was me. Someone else had been on my computer...busted :)

  3. Oh my gosh, Bobbi! That was hard to read because I am here in my bedroom with three sleeping babies and I am trying so hard not to LAUGH! THAT WAS SO FUNNY! The "apple" part, the bubbles, the lipstick up to the nose comment, the concealing of the freckles. Bobbi, you are just too much! Well, I have to say that every time I see you, you look very put together and I would have never known that you had so much trouble!

  4. i must say robyn, I would like to know why you have a syringe in your makeup bowl? weird to say the least...but I have seen weirder...i love your writing style it just cracks me right the heck up....keep it coming I am having a blast reading...hehehehe