Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Walmart Woes


I once made a lot of fun of a friend of mine because when I ran into him in the Walmart parking lot he was dispiritedly wandering about looking for his car. I offered to drive him around to look for it, but he politely refused; then I helpfully suggested that I would be finished with my shopping in about ten minutes and would be more than happy to drive him around if he hadn't found his care by then, chuckling to myself as I entered the vast depths of Walmart.

I see now that this experience was a harbinger of things to come.

Yesterday, I spent a vast amount of time happily waltzing through the air-conditioned aisles of Walmart. I even spent twenty minutes in the book aisle sharing book reviews with another middle-aged woman I had never met. When I went to pay for my groceries, I spotted two missionaries in another line about to pay for their groceries. I darted over and enthusiastically stated that I would be paying for their groceries. I wish I'd had a camera to capture the shocked look on their faces. After I paid, I glanced into their cart only to realize that I had just contributed, perhaps, to their early demise, as there were nothing but Little Debbies, Twinkies and the like. Oh well, hopefully I'll get some stars in my crown in Heaven anyway, but maybe not, because I am being a bit puffy about the whole thing. So perhaps I already have my reward.

Because I had spent so much time doing good deeds and making new friends in Walmart, I completely forgot where I had parked my car. I was sure I had parked it near the entrance where I came in, but between traveling back and forth between entrances to try to find a phone when I first came in, I later became confused. (Surprise, surprise!) I began walking up and down the lanes of cars, certain that I would soon encounter mine. However, as time wore on and I had not yet found it, the sweltering heat and humidity began to weaken me. I also was wearing inappropriate shoes, flip-flops to be exact, which, I have been reading, are very bad for your feet. I am living proof of that today. In addition, my ice cream began to melt and was dripping out of the bag onto the burning asphalt. I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained and humiliated (certain that scores of other WalMart shoppers were passively and unhelpfully observing all this) and after trudging for what seemed like hours up and down the lanes of this parking lot, I finally broke down and decided to call Ed. I was fairly certain that my car had been stolen by this time and, before calling the police to make the report, I thought, just to be sure, that Ed should drive me around to look for it. I called him at work, and he promptly came to rescue me. In the meantime, since my ice cream had melted, and it was Walmart's fault for having such a big and confusing parking lot, I decided to exhange the dripping ice cream for a new, solid gallon. I did this without inconveniencing the busy people at customer service, simply going back to the freezer section and making the exchange myself.

When my hero arrived, I transferred all of the groceries, including the new solidly frozen ice cream, from my cart into his car and we began the search. In approximately 30 seconds, we came upon a car that looked just like mine, complete with the identical license plate. I was forced to sheepishly admit that it was, indeed, my vehicle. I thanked Ed for for the chauffeur servce and I made a mental note to self to apologize to the aforementioned friend for my insensitive reaction to his plight.

Upon arrival at my home, there was a reception of my daughter and three grandchildren (one of whom is pictured below) waiting for me, grateful that I had survived this experience, as I could have easily perished of a heatstroke .

After a two-hour nap, I felt renewed and ready for another trip to WalMart! I just hope I wasn't caught on camera during the ice cream exchange!


  1. If other people can give 'Blog Awards' then I'm assuming that I can as well. This blog site is consistantly the one that makes me laugh until I cry. My only complaint is that you don't update nearly as often as I want you to! Nevertheless I dub you "Best Laugh of the Day" blog because I can go back and read the old blogs and still get a good laugh!

  2. "without inconveniencing the busy people at customer service" &
    "my hero" - great fodder...........

  3. Oh Mom, that was a great story. And you used "harbinger" more powerfully than I have ever seen it used before.